Play is Not a Four Letter Word

As summer is almost here, I feel more playful than usual. I've been bouncing basketballs and serving and hitting tennis balls with my kids in the backyard. Yesterday we set up our gas BBQ grill and for the first time this year, ate dinner outdoors.

For as long as I can remember, summer has always signaled thoughts of family and school vacation, and a general switching of gears from work and routine to unabashed fun.

As an early childhood professional and owner of a daycare/preschool, I know that play is a significant activity and experience for children. It is not mindless, empty time, but a way for kids to learn and discover how the world works, communicate with others, and to create new realities through their exploration.

But in the adult world, play is not always taken seriously, or thought of as something children do, or that you do with your kids.

As a parent of young children, I know parents that have so many activities and experiences planned for their 6 and under set, it could make your head spin. They don't want their children to miss out on anything, to not experience fun and play of every imaginable kind.

Part of the reason is because that type of fun is not part of their worlds anymore. There is work to do, bills to pay, kids to drive to school, dinners to prepare and laundry to wash. If they cannot have that much fun themselves - save for a dinner out or shopping trip or yearly vacation -- why not live vicariously through the kids?

There are the music classes, the private instrumental lessons, the drama clasees, soccer instruction, Little League, swimming, rollerblading, painting, gymnastics, kid music concerts, gallery tours, and don't forget the organized playdates.

While every parent wants to enrich their child's lives and give them experiences they can hold on to for the rest of their lives, to inspire them, and to uncover the next Mozart or Celine Dion, it is all a bit much.

I used to be that kind of parent, filling the calendar until I was dizzy. As time went on, my kids and I were getting exhausted, frustrated and crunched to the limit timewise. My son is 6, and even when we went to swimming lessons this past weekend, my son asked, "Can we just come back to this pool sometimes just to have fun and play?" It sounded like a reasonable request, and we are seriously thinking to join the pool as a family.

I have significantly cut back on my children's activities, and if they find they do not like a certain activity, I am not going to force them to continue it. All I ask is that they finish out the semester or year, and we can try another activity that organically develops out of their interests.

My almost-5-year-old daughter took ballet and tap for one year (the class finishes in June) because she loves to dance, but she has asked me recently if she can try something new like gymnastics. I'm all for that. Nothing worse that a frustrated dancer in ballet slippers hating mommy for enrolling her in a class or activity she doesn't really like, but should like. All we have to do is put on the radio or a random song, and she's bopping to the beat, bouncing and twisting, choreographing her own moves. If dance is something she loves, the right outlet will come, and instruction will surely follow. She is only turning 5, after all!

I also want to experience the joy of play, and not expect to enjoy it only through my kids. I have a busy schedule but it should never be so busy that I can't make some time to play, as an adult. Yes, I also play more with the kids outdoors in this warm season, and have more family play time -- biking together, going to the beach together, playing ball together -- but I want to have fun on my own too. I want to bike on a more regular basis. I would like to attend more summer concerts and theater productions, do more dancing, have a picnic outdoors, even take a course this summer in the city -- could be cooking, stand up comedy or even learning to play an instrument or a new language.

The main thing is that whatever activity I choose is done in the spirit of play and personal enrichment. By learning to play as an adult, I can be a great role model to my kids and to teach them an important lesson -- that play is not a four letter word, but an essential ingredient in enjoying life!

My Little Princess: Watch out for the Kiss!

My daughter is coming into her own; she will turn 5 years old in just over a month. While she still has a high-pitched, adorable girlish voice that can melt butter, she is now a girl. And she's not a baby becoming a girl, but a girl becoming a young lady.

When I was around her age, at 6 or 7, I had just started to watch Disney princess movies; she has been at it for at least a year or two.

What's fascinates her most of all is the kiss, the signature ending of all Disney princess movies -- to show that love conquers all, and that a kiss from a prince can make everything better and everyone whole.

Don't get me wrong: the Disney princesses of late have been bolder, more independent and assertive. Chinese princess Mulan goes against the grain by disguising herself as a male soldier in her father's place, to serve the Chinese army against the advancing Huns. The latest princess, African-American Tiana of The Princess and the Frog, has dreams to start her own restaurant in the city of New Orleans. Yet no matter a princess's background or ethnic identity, the ultimate statement in the movie is the kiss with the handsome prince or chivalrous male.

This comes as no suprise, as romantic love is highly idealized in Disney movies, and Hollywood movies in general.

However, a kiss between a man and woman is making its impression on her young mind and heart. Whenever she sees a kissing scene on TV or at the movies, she blushes and covers her eyes, giggling and tittering. She asks her daddy to kiss her "on the lips" like a prince. She even approached me, tilting her head to kiss me on the lips as well. We respond as innocently as she requests, but it does make you consider how girls today grow up so quickly.

The thing is to keep it all in perspective. Even at this young age, it's a good idea to let my daughter know that the kiss is just one ingredient in a relationship, and happens when you are grown up, as in "over 21, when you are grown up and finish college'"! In a marriage or any partnership, you have to work as a team, divide and juggle household duties, and give and share in a relationship to make it work. She needs to know that a kiss in itself will not solve all your problems. This premise of a kiss solving all things, which has been engraved in the hearts of girls and young women, has lead to a lot of unrealistic expectations in marriages and relationships in general.

I have no qualms about a kiss in a Disney or any other movie per se, but it should be taken, and explained to a child, as part of a bigger picture and as part of general instruction about what to expect from others in life and in love.

In summation, a kiss is ok, but keep it real!

Snack on Demand

They are my heroines. The moms who produce instantly for their hungry little ones snack on demand. They are my David Copperfields, magicians pulling rabbits out of hats, slipping coins between sleeves with ease. Instead, in less than a moment's notice, they pull out savory treats and carefully wrapped goodies; bags and containers of fruits, cookies and other delights to feed an army.

You know the type and you know the scenario. You're away from home and could be anywhere -- a park, the theater, a museum -- and there's not even a snack machine in sight and you're down to your last ounce of Poland Spring, jutting out of your pocketbook like a trophy.

Then it starts -- the chant, the familiar refrain --better than Tibetan monks-- "I'm hungry, I'm thirsty, my tummy hurts." You assure them there's food at home or in the restaurant you're planning to take them to for lunch, and even offer a sip of your water till you get home but it just doesn't cut it. You're losing patience with them and they've lost all patience with you. They're repeating themselves a bit louder, more forcefully this time. Then comes the whining. The high-pitched shrill question: "Whyyyyyy? I want to eat NOW!"



You rifle through your purse and in between the wallet, tissues, hand sanitizer, bruch, comb, baby wipes, receipts and loose change for some morsel, a stick of gum even, you could give the little ones. Is it possible you left the granola bars on the kitchen counter before you went out the door with the keys?

You glance over to the park bench or theater seats or makeshift table and your jaw drops open with what you're about to behold.


There to your side are moms opening mini-Tupperware containers with snap-on lids brimming with pre-cut strawberries and grape halves. There's hummus and octagon-shaped gorgonzola crackers. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches cut into heart shapes. These are not thrown together munchies, but perfect packages, like beautiful Bento boxes. Don't forget the tidy cartons of Goldfish crackers, fruit rollups, little boxes of Cheerios and animal crackers.
Then there are the momma wizards who can whip out lollipops, chocolates and candy cups with dancing candy pellets that twirl and play music with flashing lights, faster than you can say tantrum. And if they bring along candy or food they always have enough to offer your child and half the kids in sight, which can be a dozen or more! These moms are magical snack wizards -- look out Harry Potter!

These are not hasty, roughly thrown together snacks like I prepare: grapes thrown in plastic baggies. A few raisin boxes. Foodbars dumped in my purse at a moment's notice that get smushy and all crumbly when you're ready to eat them. That doesn't cut it. That means you're lazy, sloppy, a bad mother.

I want to be a mom who can produce snack on demand. I want to be a pharmacist of calm. An anticipator of antsiness. A resourceful survivor for my own sanity. Entrepreneur of an array of tricks. I want to be a masterful food psychologist with a forumla that always works.

Maybe I'll never reach those heights, but I can get a bit better organized and make my snacks more creative and organized, and maybe prepare snacks for my kids at least the night before.

You thought the story of Jesus and the loaves and fishes was a miracle -- try the moms with the snacks!

Springing into Action with Exercise: Starting with Small Steps

It’s definitely spring now, and this spring for me has been a time of renewal and change. It’s been a time of new attitudes, new friends, setting goals and making commitments to do the things that I really enjoy and value. Making time for hobbies I put on the back burner. Not making excuses, but creating a path to do the things I once thought I would never achieve.

One of the goals I have committed to is exercising with aerobics and toning at least 20-30 minutes consistently. The key word here is consistently. Too many times I started an exercise program and did it religiously for days or even weeks, then slid off the wagon for months at a time.

My aspirations were a bit lofty about 2 months ago, when I hired a personal trainer to do one session at my home. She is a multi-time marathon runner and former Manhattan athletic club director, and I met her at a mom dinner and lecture series. She outfitted me with the gear and exercises needed for interval training.I had complete confidence in her abilities, but having not exercised for months previous to her visit, I was panting to keep up with the exercises and felt quite honestly, a bit overwhelmed.

I abandoned the trainer’s exercises for a while, then took to jumping and dancing to high-energy dance and techno music as I put away laundry in my bedroom every weekend. I still do that; it’s fun and highly recommended!

Then one day last week, I was organizing my DVDs, when I came across a Denise Austin exercise DVD that came with an exercise ball. I purchased it last year.

Now I LOVE Denise Austin. She was one of the pioneers in the fitness exercise video/DVD revolution and in my 20s, I used to do her 15-20 minute workouts when she had a program on the Lifetime network.

I decided to give her another try.

But before I put on the DVD, I started doing some warm-up exercises.

My 6-year-old son saw me, and started getting in on it. He does push ups and sit ups in Tae Kwon Do, and he proceeded to teach me how to do leg locks so we could do sit ups together.

I pushed myself to do 20. “You can do it,” he encouraged. He showed me how he does push ups the full length way. Not quite ready for the real deal, I grabbed my son’s little Serenity Prayer pillow and squeezed my knees together on it to cushion my knees from the hardwood floor. I proceeded to do modified pushups. I was struggling just to do 5, but I made it to 10.

“Yes you did it!” he cheered as I felt like collapsing on the floor.

“Next time I’ll do more,” I said, hopeful. “After I get used to 10, then I can do 20.”

“Or 30, or 40, or….” He counted all the way up to 100 and smiled, lying down on his pillow before going to bed.

Right after that, I put on the Denise Austin DVD in my bedroom. I mentally committed to 30 minutes. After a water break and going downstairs to the living room to get my free 3 pound weights, it was more like 20. But I pushed myself, I had a good sweat and I did what I set out to do. And it really wasn’t that bad. (Well, there was one part when you had to lean over the ball (which was supposed to be slightly deflated for this activity, but this one was full to capacity and bursting to the seams) and do push ups. I felt like an apple was in my chest and I remembered reading that lowering your heart below your head when leaning forward is not recommended.) So I skipped that one, but did everything else exactly as instructed.

“You can do it!” Denise Austin cheered with her perky voice and her mile-wide smile. “Just one more, come on,” she said, and when she says just one more she means it. Or a couple more.

There’s always the reward/incentive to her motivation, too. “You want sexy shapely arms,” she reminds you. “You want to wear that backless dress this summer don’t you?!” she chirps. Clearly a rhetorical question, and also a constant reminder of the goal of exercise which is to feel and look great.

I did 20 minutes of her exercise routine the one time last week, and I intend to up the ante to two times this week.

Sometimes the answer is keep it simple. Quite simply, I do what works for me, over and over on regular basis. As the famous Chinese proverb goes, the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.